The 50-50 Closet

Couple things to catch you up. Last post was September 2011. Since then, I moved twice, we got our pup back (stupid no pet rentals), graduated with my Master's, started working fulltime (and overtime), and bought a house. The house needs some work and it's entertaining to say the least. And my dog is entertaining. He's a basset hound and his name is Shmue. Which rhymes with "blue." It's a silly way to spell the name Shmoo. Justin says he spelled his name "the French way." I told him the French way would be Shmoux.

I'm debating starting this blog again so that I don't forget how to write. I drown in data and figures everyday, I forget the power of words. I feel more disconnected from them now that my thesis is done. So I may do this casually but not tell anyone and see what happens.

Story time. We have an awkward closet in the hallway that is small and has a weird large concrete step in the middle of it. Why the step? What's it hiding? Is it the foundation? Is is to make the closet shorter? If I busted it open would I find a pair of feet in there? A beloved pet? What does it want from us!?

Anyway. We call it Shmue's 50-50 closet. Because the only things in the closet are the vacuum and his leash. What's gonna happen when we open the door, Shmue? Happy tail-wag ermahgerd smells and walk time? Or death machine of noisy horrible rolly-ness?!

Roll of the dice, Pups. Roll of the dice...

I can say with confidence that this will be one of the hardest times of my life.
I should relish it and remember that I will look back on it fondly.
Sleep.
Drive.
Work.
Drive.
School.
Drive.
Cook.
Homework.
Sleep...
I will remember this when I am working overtime and missing my husband.
I will remember this when I am rocking a baby in the middle of the night,
tears rolling down my face from exhaustion.
I will remember this when I am driving to baseball, rehearsal, track meets,
sipping on my 3rd coffee of the day.
That if I can survive this newlywed/new job/grad school/living off of financial aid and unemployment thing,
I can survive anything.

Him: These people on tv are going on a trip to get over the loss of their dog!?
Me: Are you telling me you aren't going to be traumatized when Shmue dies?
Him: Don't even say that! Shmue's not a dog he's a person and he's my basset hound buddy.

Working on Justin's Resume

Me: "... from August 2005 to July 2006. Wow. That seems like so long ago. In August 2005, I was getting ready to move out into the dorms and I had just done my NASA seminar."
Him: "I was working at a sports card store getting fat off mall churros."

A cellular conversation

Talking to Justin on the phone...

Me: So what are you doing?
Him: Playing video games in my comfy chair.
Me: Ok well would you mind emptying the recycling upstairs- it's just about overflowing.
Him: What- you're breaking up?
Me: I am not! I'm in the middle of a parking lot!
Him: Babe...! I can't hear you...! I'm going through a tunnel..!
Me: *sigh*

Where my heart goes to find calm...

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

You may have noticed a new theme. Optimism. Joy juice. Love. Hope. Calm. Call it what you will, I have it. I have started taking steps back and taken a critical look at who I am now and who I was then. 

Then, when I was alone. 

Then, when I was me but darker.

Or tougher.
Or something.

I saw it first looking through my old chemistry notes, of all places. I saw my hand writing, how it looked like my dads. How it sprawled in a focused, angular way.

Now it is softer.

And loopier.

Like me!

I have learned many things this quarter so far. And not just how to project an aerial image into WGS 1984 projection. Or how to calculate the ionic strength and activity of magnesium (I still don't really know how to do that- but don't tell the guy in the white lab coat).

I have learned that when

you approach the day with a positive attitude..

it goes by faster.

you get more done.

you make people laugh, and they make you and there is generally more smiles in your life.

When your kitchen is clean and your house is vacuumed...

your home is homier.

your husband is happier.

you don't have a "I should get this done" black, heavy cloud hanging over your couch-sitting time.

When you don't worry about what will happen..

you are pleasantly surprised when something works out exactly like you wanted,

and have faith that something else will happen to help you decide what to do.

Yummies.

Drench my world with joy.

Without you, today's frittata would be the scurf of last week's.

I-hate-lettuce-salad.

He looks good in green.

A Critical Look at Fidelity

Him: I never worry about you being unfaithful.

Me: Well you should! I have a line of guys waiting for me to become available! Well, a line of at least two guys.

Him: The old married guy and the fat guy with a green mohawk?

Me: I didn't say they were top-shelf guys...

Early Morning Rain

I couldn't tell you if you asked me how this song got to be my "I want to go home" song. I have a vague memory of my mom playing it throughout my life when it was cold and dreary outside, with dewy drops clinging to the oak leaves. And I was perched on the couch doing homework near the fireplace. A calm and lazy Sunday with my mom in the kitchen, doing her thing. And this song playing in the background. Now, when I crave my happy place, Gordon Lightfoot takes me back to the cabin by the creek.

You can't take us seriously.

Him: *while tripping over our dirty laundry pile that has taken over our room* So I put an ad on craigslist.
Me: For what?
Him: It said something like, "I want a wife exactly like mine except less busy so she can do my laundry."
Me: Good. Let me know if anyone calls. I want a wife like that too.

If my heart were a house, you'd be home.

Right now reminds me of home. My husband is in the garage using power tools and tracking sawdust into the house. I can hear him faintly in the background hammering and sawing away. I have some Dean Martin playing softly and chicken noodle soup wafting through the air. It's actually chicken dumpling soup but whatever (recipe post maybe?). And here I sit preoccupied by my homework- editing a Word file. Punching numbers absent-mindedly into a calculator. It's almost like I was back in high school and the man in the garage is my dad and my mom is the one making the soup. Funny how things come full circle.

Awake My Soul

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
-Mumford and Sons


My honey took me whale watching today because my "bucket list takes priority over everything."
We didn't see any whales but I don't mind. That just means I get to spend at least one more day staring into the cold water cuddling up to a bearded man.

Stress Relief

Recently I've been looking for a way to relieve some stress. I wanted something that I would look forward to do but also would refocus my energy. I believe I have found it. Just Dance 2 for the wii. And let me say, it is FUN. It's also a stress reliever because it is HILARIOUS to watch my husband do dances such as this one:

Hobby, shmobby.

That's the culprit. RIGHT THERE. That movie is the reason for my husband's new hobby/obsession/life goal. But let me back up. It all started on a lazy Sunday of cooking and dogsitting and watching marathons of nature documentaries. What? You don't do that? Oh. Well we do. Thank you Netflix Instant Queue! Anyways, this movie was my pick. I think the Appalachians are fascinating because they're so gosh darn old. Not like the Sierras or the Rockies or anything- I mean they're REALLY old. So we learned about the wildlife and the formation and the trail that goes from Georgia to Maine. That's when my husband got the itch.

Him. "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery. Just go hike for a year."

Me. "Ok that sounds cool. I'd go with you but we'd have to carry a swimming pool of water for me to drink along the way."

Him. "We'll helicopter you in at checkpoints so we can visit."

Me. "That works too."

Him. "I'm totally gonna do that. Actually, I'm gonna do that this weekend."

Me. "What?"

Him. "I'm gonna go on a backpacking trip through the mountains this weekend."

Me. "But you've never done that before."

Him. "No but I can rent equipment from the base, hike like ten miles a day. Just one day overnight. I'm gonna have to pack food and read my survival guide from front to back and...."

And so that's what's happening this weekend. He's going to do the Skyline to Big Basin trail route with two friends while I go to a bridal shower. This is the third major hobby he's had in the last year and a half. It started with shore fishing. We came out of that with 4 fishing poles, a homemade binder of local fish identification, and lots of fish tacos and cioppino. Then we went to beer brewing. We're on our 3rd or 4th keg of homemade beer. And now it's backpacking. And if you don't understand the consequentialness of these hobbies- let me explain something to you. When my husband does something, he does it to perfection. I love that about him. He doesn't half-ass anything he cares about.

I was supposed to do homework this weekend since I won't get a chance to do any next weekend. I didn't do as much as I should have but instead I...

-- went grocery shopping for two weeks (that was completely unintentional- it was supposed to be only for one week but I ripped my budget a new one) 

-- cooked dinners and lunches from scratch 

-- baked lemon cupcakes

-- took a trip to Border's 40 miles away to find the one perfect Backpacking in California book (I'll say it again... obsession)

-- deep cleaned my kitchen

-- watched a documentary on Yosemite, Appalachian Trial, American Serengheti, Denali, redwoods, and last but not least....beavers.

-- I also got to witness the birth of a new hobby. And that, my friends, is priceless.

Taste is all relative.

This weekend I have been at the mercy of my husband's cravings. He is, what I call, an impulsive eater. During the week, I do not have the time (nor the budget) to cook whatever he wants so I just cook what we have. But on some lazy days I'll ask him what he wants me to cook and he always has something in mind.

I was reading a magazine this morning and found a page dedicated to unique egg rolls.

Me. "Hey hun, how's a hamburger egg roll sound?"

Him. "Blech. Why do they make hamburger flavored everything?"

Me. "Well they have a pizza here one too."

Him. "That's what I want for lunch."

Me. "What?"

Him. "Can you please make me pizza egg rolls for lunch?"

Me. "Um okay. You know most people would say, 'hmm that sounds good, I'd like to try that one day.' But not you."

Him. "No, I'd like that for lunch please."

So that's what I made for lunch.

They don't look too bad, huh?

Last night's craving on the other hand, WAS pretty bad. Lemon and banana cupcakes? Can you imagine it? It tastes like sour bananas. My husband loved it. Sometimes I think he mixed his taste buds up with a pregnant woman somewhere.

*Enter Husband*

Him: Hello, love of my life.

Me: Well hello! That was a nice greeting.

Him. Yes. You are the sun to my moon.

Me: Ok, what do you want?

Him: I need you to do laundry.

Week in Pictures

Our sushi chef got a little carried away.

Went to see a shell midden- a Native American dump site.

Me: My field trip today was to a midden. A midden is-

Him: I know what a midden is. It's like a hat for your hand.

Me: Not a mitten- a midden!

My bangs got pretty shaggy.

My cheesehead had a good day.

I did a lot of homework wearing my favorite socks.

The secret life of a grad student

Does everyone know what yesterday was? Yesterday was Meltdown Day. Yay Meltdown Day! Oh you don't know what Meltdown Day is? Well let me educate you. It comes to visit me once a week. It involves a lot of tears and tissues. Best part about Meltdown Day? When it comes, it doesn't come again for six days. Usually. Yesterday Meltdown Day consisted of my honey making a funny face. Me laughing. Him making a funny face again. Me laughing. Him making a funny face again. I crack up for a minute and then my laughter turns into sobs. Ya. I was that tired. And when he finally stopped looking at me like I was insane and asked me what was wrong, this is what I did... no joke. I flopped myself onto the bed face down and yelled "I'm so unhappy!!!"

Wow. Just so you all know- I'm not a dramatic person. But that's how my life is going this quarter. Completely sleep deprived and frustrating. Basically right now I have a serious case of senioritis because this is the quarter from hell and I'd rather be at the next chapter in my life (read: work, home, honey, movies, babies). But no. Instead I am writing 30 page papers every week, filling out lab books, learning how to write a research paper, and studying for midterms. But I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's a means to an end.

Things I've learned on Meltdown Days:

1. My husband is very good at making me laugh through tears.

2. Afterwards, I feel much better and my prespective is clear again.

3. Sometimes you just have to get the assignment done. You can't always do A work.

4. You are nothing without your mental health.

5. Big men have big shoulders.